I've been troubled recently by thinking about the future. About what happens next. I used to think I knew the future--that it could be predicted. Now I'm not so sure. It's not really playing out like I expected.

It confuses me.

I want to be able to visualize the future--to move steadily towards that vision. But right now the vision is a little cloudy and uncertain.

I know that day to day my life doesn't really change that much. Seafood platter or Liver and Bacon Grill . . . those are the big choices.

But it feels like things are changing. More than that. That forces outside my control are making me older, a little creakier, a little more forgetful.

I woke up this morning and needed a kitty massage before being able to give a really big stretch.

This isn't the future I was planning. And I think the future is here now.

Life should be lived in FULL COLOR

Summer Camp Lessons

We spent the week at a "Seminar of the Now". It's run be wannabe Buddhists who teach you how to deprogram your inner clock, shut down the worry cycles and focus on the NOW.

They told us that there is no past, there is no future--those are merely "ideas" . . . that the only IS is NOW. If you squander your NOW by worrying about the past or worrying about the future . . . you squander your life.

It is actually kind of hard to take control of your thoughts. I have spent some time this week thinking about legacy--about what I will leave this world when i die. and it was kind of depressing. I am just a ripple.

Go to a book store and you see the absurdity of hype and marketing where people try to tell you what's important--but what they're really trying to do is separate you from your money.

If I have no money--they don't care about me.
If I have money--they want my money.

THAT is the big circle of life? It's all about economics? But not the economics of sharing but the economics of mine mine mine . . . .Dougal is starting a book by that title, by the way.

I'm torn. More is never enough. Conspicious consumption is simply stupid ego being manipulated by others who WANT your money and possessions.

Yet I like nice things. I like sleeping in a soft bed. I like meals on time and plenty of them. I enjoy very much sleeping in the sunshine.


So what have I learned about this week?

I do not like alarm clocks. I don't even care for the sound of the timer on the oven, letting me know when the scones are done. It's abrasive and intrusive.

I enjoy very very much sitting outside. even if it's a little humid, the fresh air, the birds calling, the sunlight . . . it is rejuvenating. It feels timeless.

To quiet my mind, I focus on detail projects of the now. Organizing and sorting. It is peaceful, but it is really an avoidance technique. I am filling time with Something--in order not to have the past or the future scare the hell out of me.

And there isn't an answer to "What's the meaning of life?" Or rather there are millions of answers.

In reality the answer is the question itself. Our life is journey with the question, not with the answer.